The Night My Friend Got Me Kicked Out Of A Hospital

  “Girls and Boys: the story you are about to. hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the jackassed”

 One night many passing moons ago on a starry story night. Me and my “cousin” Brand and his friend Pim were hanging out. And let me tell you, the roads were flooded with beer that night if it didn’t rain from the night before. And the roads had many emotions that night playing madden 2005 while listening to music. As the night tanked on, the mood in the beer den became more and more erratic and the ADHD tension was high if Michael Jordon couldn’t jump a foot. The noise from the beer den hit a maximum high when a sweet melody started to play over the radio, I’m sure you know the all lovable foot tapper from the movie “Jackass- If Your Gunna Be Dumb, You Gotta Be Tough right? Well as soon as it started to play I felt this fiery hybrid of emotions take over my body called ADHD and without a blink of an eye I’m on top of this old 40 inch tube tv like David Lee Roth standing on stage looking down and seeing a huge crowd of big breasted honey sickles but to my surprise it was just a wall full of beer cans and bottles as tall as Andrea The Giant standing next to a pebble. Next thing I know I’m flying threw the air like superman saving the day and come crashing down with the sounds of crushing cans and bottles breaking. All of a sudden i felt was like an angel picking me up by my arms and I’m on top of the TV again and without thinking twice I’m flying threw the air once more and as I come to a crashing stop I look up and my “cousin” Brad  is now flying threw the air and lands right on top of me. With the noise of laughter and bottles and cans clinking and crackling the song still playing as we’re crawling around like we were stuck in a huge ball pit but instead broken bottles and crushed cans I stand up and Pim is pointing at me leg saying oh shit you need a bandaid. Me And my “cousin” Brad looks down at the same time and I see this huge gash on my leg. The rivers ran red ladies and gentlemen and I looked at Brad and Pim with laughter on my tone I yell “OH SNAP”!! I make a bolt for the upstairs like a hyena chasing tiger and go to Brads wife Chanel who was sitting on the couch I say “hey Chanel umm what’s to do about this unexscapable booboo”? She replied “ You need to go to the hospital” I replied “ you’re probably right!? Do you have any duct tape and napkins”? Chanel rummages threw the junk drawer in the kitchen and hands me scotch tape and paper towels. After patching up my battle wound I retreat to the beer den and Brad and Pim with faces red of laughing I say “Chanel told me I need to go to the hospital”. So all 3 of us stumble out of the beer den and to the outside where I parked my ride.

I Was Born Here

 With the hospital only 1 maybe 2 miles through the concrete jungle of Lackawanna and then into South Buffalo we were kind of relieved the journey shouldn’t be to hard. We get about 10 ft down the road as we were taking turns on who’s the best for peddling the bike and who is best for riding the back pegs and handlebars. After many failed but victorious attempts and only 40ft from the house staring at the bike Pim says “ I don’t think we’re gonna make it” then I reply “ I didn’t think it was gonna be this hard, that’s what the pegs are for” Brad replies “ yea this sucks” so after pondering about what we should do we decided I should take this journey alone. So we parted ways and now a lone drunken wolf on my steel horse I ride( get it lol) I see an ambulance at a gas station I was passing and I peddled up to the ambulancers and asked pointing at the gash in my leg “ is this bad” and the ambulancer said “um yea! Your gunna need around 13 stitches and a technashot” then I replied “ soo I need to go to the hospital huh”? He said “yes” . Back on my steel horse I ride and finally make it to the hospital. And as I was waiting for a room my friend decided to show, you know who, ADHD. A few minutes later a nurse comes along and says my name and she leads us back to a room and by now it’s 3:30–4 a.m and the nurse says “ wait here and the doctor will be in soon”. So after about 5 minutes of waiting my friend came up with an idea. We were sitting on a stool with wheels while we wait lets cruise the hallways! So we’re flying down hallways and we come across a door with a window and through this window we see a refrigerator. So we slowly roll up to the door and look left and right and whipped the door open. We scoot up to the refrigerator and open and to our amazement it was full of styrofoam containers. So we snag one and go flying back to our room on the stool ya know and come to a stop next to the bed. I opened the container of mystery and inside was a turkey sammich with milk and yogurt. I’m not a fan as I say to ADHD and he of course isn’t either. So back on the stool we ride and we find a room with a bunch of white coats. We open the door and yell “WHO LIKE YOGURT”? and the one white coat says “I do” so we wheeled over to him and gave him the yogurt and he says “thank you” and we said “no problem sir” and cruised back to the turkey sammich. As we’re eating a nurse comes in and says “ where did you get that”? and we replied “ in a room with many” and she says “ that’s some nurses lunch” and I said “ do you want it”? Before she turned to walk away huffing and puffing she goes “NO”. So now we’re about halfway through our sammy a security guard comes and says “ I’m sick of babysitting you boy” and I replied “nobody asked you to” and that’s when he said “GET OUTTA HERE” and now walking my steel horse outside leaving with my scotch tape and paper toweled leg I never got the 13 stitches and “technashot”

and now I have a reminder of when my friend got me kicked out of the hospital.