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MY STORY

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By ADHD Andy

 

                  My Story 


My Mental Health Story of having ADHD


           

             This is my story



P.s because of having ADHD
I have an awkward sense of humor
and 
This story is probably going to be a grammar nazi's nightmare lol
ENJOY


         Hello everyone I'm glad you stopped in to check out my blog. The reason I started Me And My Friend ADHD is because I know what it's like to struggle from having mental health stuff.  I'm only saying "stuff" because I don't like using the words "issues" or "problems" to me they sound negative just in case you were wondering. But anyhoo I was diagnosed in 3rd grade with ADHD and in 2010 when I was hit by a car as a pedestrian. Ever since getting hit it seems like one big fuckin nightmare I wish would end. I struggle with ADHD, anxiety, severe depression, PTSD and that's not including the injuries I have. At 14yrs old my parent's told me if I want all that skateboard and snowboard shit I'd better get a job and that's exactly what I did. And now not being able to work or do the things I loved doing, I go stir crazy and with my Friend ADHD and no outlet I have no where to put it. Skateboarding was my life and my only outlet and i always said I'm gunna skate till I die and now look at me! I hate it!. Now i don't know what to do with myself and I beat myself up for it. I have no pride in myself, no confidence either i honestly just hate the person I am.  After being hit i was out of work for 6 months and then I was "cleared" to return to work. I worked another 5 years not knowing the damage I was doing. Then 1 day i ended up hurting my back at work and when I went to see a spine specialist he told me after the accident I was 50% disabled and from working I'm 100% disabled and that I should've never gone back to work and been on disability already. The surgery I need there's a 50% chance I'll never walk again. And nobody fuckin told me I was that disabled!!  All I was told is that I can return to work and that I'm ok to do the things I enjoy.  It was all just myth mouth bullshit I mean what do they care it's not there problem. We're all just like customers in line at fuckin McDonald's to them. Because of my ADHD I feel I get taken advantage of because it's hard sometimes to understand a lot of things and it makes me feel stupid.  So now I'm just a master tech with over 20 yrs of experience that's a liability that nobody wants to hire. And from not working I've lost everything I busted my ass for. I had 3 vehicles, $20 thousand in tools and a credit score of 720 ect. I've been on my own since 16yrs old and busted my ass to get where I was until the day I was hit. Since then my life has gone to shit and ive been trying to piece my life back together but nothing is working. I keep hitting dead end after dead end. The one thing that pisses me off the most is when people think I'm playing the victim card and that couldn't be far enough from the truth. To me playing the victim card is when your complaining and not doing a damn thing to change it. I'm willing to do whatever it takes and I've tried everything I can think of. I don't know what it is about me why everything I try blows up in my face, that's what I don't get!? What am I doing wrong?!? If I had the answer i'd do it in a heartbeat trust me this isn't fuckin what I call fun . I feel like a huge fuckin bum and  i don't need hand outs or for someone to do things for me. All I ask for is someone to talk to and maybe help me figure out a direction so I can start being and feeling happy again because  I honestly don't have a fuckin clue.  I feel like I'm lost and the last 6 years ive had this cursed rain cloud over me that won't find some offs to fuck and fuck off. I don't know why but I thought lawyers and doctors are suppose to have your best interest at heart and boy was I wrong. My chiropractor had a "doctor" come to his office once a week for patients. The first time I met this bum a nurse practitioner she put me on 6 a day-10mg hydros(tabs), 4 a day-.5mg Klonopins, 3 a day- 20mg Adderall, 3 a day-150mg gabapentin, and a 1 antidepressant a day. And all she told me was these would help me be and feel normal. I've never taken pills before I didn't know anything of what they would do. After the accident that's all I wanted was to be and feel normal. I took a vacation to visit my mom and stepdad which lived on a military base, so i only brought a few pills with so I didn't have a problem getting on post with them. Come to find out I had no issues at all lol but wasn't sure because the last I was on post I had a fine I never paid and thought I'd be flagged as soon as I entered. Anyways so I was rationing them and one night I was feeling like absolute shit, well come to find out I was going thru withdrawal and had no clue that's what it was until I got back home and said something to my neighbor about it. The next time I seen the doctor that put me on all that shit I asked " is there anyway I can switch so I'm not taking all these pills" she replied " go see pain management". So I made an appointment with pain management and the first appointment he tells me to my face that I was lying about my pain, that my mom raised a junky, I'm a pill searching piece of shit and he called the other doctor that prescribed me all those meds and she cut me off that day and if I wanted him to believe me to come back for nerve testing. So I did and come to find out I have severe nerve damage in my knees and my back is so bad the lady doing the test thought her machine was broken. After that the doctor stopped answering my phone calls and wouldn't let me make appointments and if I showed up he wouldn't call my name, he basically blew me off because he knew he fucked up.


This is me faking it and sorry its a crappy picture

      So now I have no doctor at all I have no way to get the scripts I was on and no clue wtf I should do. So I go to a place called Best Self and they prescribed me suboxene but didn't help with the kolonipns and I ended up in the hospital for 6 days do to a really bad withdrawal from the benzo's I was told. I really hate the fact that people can just do whatever the fuck they want because I'm not smart enough to understand. I don't like feeling stupid and like I said that's all it does and my family thinks it's something I can just turn off and its not. I want nothing more than to be the person I was before all the shit. And through all of this I lost friends and alot of family along with everything I worked for and that doesn't help at all with all the other shit that's going on. I never in my life wanted to ask for help or rely on others and doing it now just pisses me off because everytime I do it just reminds me I'm neck deep in shit with no way out. All I want is me and to be happy again! 


Again thank you for reading, I figured I'd start it off and if you can relate or have a struggle please post in the comments. And please remember Me And My Friend ADHD is a place to help each other from our mental health stuff. 

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